The Auslaenderbehoerde

Boy-oh-boy. I hope you're comfortable, because I've sure got a story for you.

On Thursday (June 18th) I had to go to the Auslaenderbehoerde in Bremen. This long and confusing word translates to "foreigners' registration office." I think the English title is pretty self-explanatory: If you live in Bremen, and you aren't a German citizen, you have to go to this wonderful place to register yourself. I've had to go here once before to get my visa extended. Had I not done that, I would have been sent home after my initial 90-day "tourist visa" had expired.

Here are some observations and complaints from my 2nd go-around at the Auslaenderbehoerde:


I arrived at precisely 6:37 AM. I know because I made it a point to check. I checked because I had been specifically told to come an hour and a half before they actually open because so many foreigners have been coming the last few weeks to prepare for the Summer break, and I had a feeling that it was going to be a long day of waiting.

I was right.

I ended up being there for almost 6 hours. SIX HOURS!!! I left the damn place at, again - this is a precise time, 12:15 PM.

Here's why I think it takes so long: Every single foreigner is lumped together into one group. It doesn't matter why you are there. It could be to get a simple stamp on your passport; it could be to pay a fee in order to have your visa extension go through; it could be to apply for a visa extension (this is pretty much what I had to do. But I only needed a 4-day extension). My visa expires on the 30th of June, and I am flying out of here on July 3rd - so there is a 3 day window where I would have been living here "illegally." Before I went, I had asked if I could simply go to the airport with an expired visa and my flight plan, thinking that they would let me go because I was going home, and that's where they send someone with an expired visa - back to where they came from; but they basically said, "No, you would subsequently encounter lots of complications from the asshole border patrol and probably miss your flight." Great.

So, I show up at 6:37, and the line has already made it's way outside. And I thought that I was being tricky by showing up so "early." HA! I get in line. After a couple of minutes I find out that the line I am standing in is the line to pre-check-in before we actually officially check-in. Once I make it to the front, I hand over my passport, they write my name, country of origin, and purpose of visit on a piece of paper that looks like it was just pulled out of the wastebasket. Then they tell me, "You can go up to 'Waiting Room #2' and wait. We will begin calling people down to 'Waiting Room #1' to check in at 7:45. So I had about a 45 minute wait before I could check-in and wait some more.

When 7:45 rolls around, a very soft-spoken man starts calling people off the list - 15 people at a time. My name gets called in the 3rd round. I am sternly ordered to go down to 'Waiting Room #1' and get in line to check in.

After standing in the official check-in line for about 30 minutes, my turn finally arrives. I start talking to the nice looking lady and explain my situation:

"Hi, I need to extend my visa, but only for 4 days. It expires on the 30th and I'm leaving the country for good on the 3rd of July. I was told by this office that I HAD to come here and do this," says Russ in a polite tone of voice.

"No. You may not do this today," check-in lady says matter-of-factly. "You have been given an appointment on the 30th to extend you visa. There are other people who are more important than you today."

"But I WONT BE HERE on the 30th. I wont be in Bremen. The appointment does not work for me. That is why I am here today. I wouldn't come here to wait forever if I didn't have to," says I.

This went on for a couple of minutes, for the lady could not comprehend that I was leaving and that I wouldn't be in Bremen on the 30th (I will be in Bad Salzuflen, at my Uncle Wode's). It took some explaining and stern words, but I finally got her to cancel my appointment and check me in for that day. This is where the waiting OFFICIALLY began.

By this time, it is around 9:00 AM. I had already been there for almost 2.5 hours, and I just now started actually waiting. Sweet.


This is where I want to give you a little list of the types of people you might see at the Bremen Auslaenderbehoerde:

-Lots of babies who cry incessantly.

-85-90% Turkish/Kurdish people.

-Turkish/Kurdish parents of the babies who cry nonstop who stare at you, also nonstop, while ignoring their babies. This after having been given the, "What the F are you looking at!?! I know, it's strange - there's a white, german-looking man at the foreigners' registration office" eyes.

-A fair amount of Africans.

-The crying babies. I can't stress the crying babies enough.

-Posters of known and wanted terrorists. Not actual people in the flesh, I know, but it's just really strange to see these all over the walls.

-Old women who have a deep, manly, "I've been smoking for over 50 years" cough. Also, they don't cover their mouths once while presumably hacking up icky stuff from the depths of their lungs. I think I switched chairs about 5 times.

-One REALLY attractive Georgian girl - not the state, but the country. I managed to get a peek at her passport while in the 'pre-check-in' line. This girl was really gorgeous. I wouldn't mind running into her, or any of her other Georgian friends for that matter, again.

-One long-haired, bearded, German-looking white dude. Sitting alone and looking supremely annoyed.


So the waiting continues. The number of people waiting slowly trickles down, until I am one of 3 people left. Finally, at PRECISELY 12:03 (Again, I made it a point to check) I was called. Oh, joy! I go to Room 44, sit down, and talk to a guy behind the desk. I explain my situation, once again, and here is what he says, "Oh okay. This is easy. I can simply write a short letter saying that you are allowed to cross the border because you're leaving and you have your flight plans along with you. It should take 5 minutes. Go back to the waiting room and I'll call you back in."

Sure enough, 5 minutes later, Mr. Nice Dude calls me back in and hands me a single sheet of paper with no more than 30 words on it. That's it.

At the Bremen Auslaenderbehoerde, 6 hours of waiting gets you a 5 minute sheet of paper.

I stepped out of the building at exactly 12:15.

I am now allowed to leave Germany.
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I hope you had a lot more fun reading my story than I had experiencing it. You would think places like that in Germany would be more fluid, seeing as how Germans are normally known for their efficiency. But, no. Not the case here.

That's one place I WONT be missing when I get back to the US of A.


Have a good Friday, everyone!

Cheers,

Russell.